The Daily Challenge || After Ali
the daily challenge
the daily facts
the daily facing of what it all means in our every day life
Surrender I hear
See it for what it is
Live in the present moment
Be grateful for what you do have
Love the people still in your life
Why do we all look to find solutions to problems that don't have solutions...
Challenges that don't need answers
Are you uncomfortable?
Are you afraid of what to ask?
You want to talk but don't know how...
Trust me neither do I
But avoiding is not the answer either
Asking the wrong question means more than not asking at all
I think of others
I think of people who have months of memories
Years of memories...
Then I think of people who got no time on earth with their child alive...
How can I honor my pain with the fact that I got so little time and yet have sympathy for those who got non?
Should I not be sharing my experience?
Is what I'm going through not as valid because someone has gone through worse...
And how about all the things I can't take about
How about the things I get to share with myself and my family but that I can't share with the rest of the world
It is as tho my story is incomplete
Our story is incomplete
It will be months, maybe years before I will be able to share the full picture
To my future
Whatever it maybe be
May all the people I love feel loved and supported by me
May my children know that they are wanted and needed
May they grow to be independent free thinking individuals
How heavy it all feels
How exhausted I feel
How beaten
How lifeless at times I seem
How I wish I could change
Change the moments
Change the outcome
Change the memories
That is now all I have
Ali, I love you
My beautiful baby girl
That I was hoping to be a role model for
That I was hoping to raise and take care of until you found your own freedom and independence
Now there is a shadow
Shadows that creep across the landscape
Tainting this physical existence
I just want to see you and hold you and be with you
But I can't